In Nigeria where I live; if you are the gender with the vagina; you dare not talk about SEX!
By jove! You will have your head on a spike if you talk freely about SEX.
They will crucify you.
They will look at you different and see you as cheap!
They will judge your entire being as a sex worker and put you in that class even if you are old and matured enough to be having sex.
It is a battle here in Nigeria.
As a woman, you keep these emotional and sexual feelings to yourself. You dare not discuss it with other women, even with your man.
Although, as our world advances, things are changing due to women empowerment and the advocacy of feminism but it is a staggering progress.
An example is a blog post I made two days ago titled:
“You need a little pampering.”
I posted it on my personal Facebook timeline.
You can imagine the kind of comments I got.
“I am so disappointed in you for making such a post.”
“That post ought to be a private matter. You are not supposed to post it publicly.”
“You didn’t tell me you are a slut. How much do you charge for a night?”
“This is disgraceful. I can’t imagine what your daughter will think of you after reading such promiscuity.”
“I just read your post on your wall. Gosh! I can’t tell you how ashamed I am on your behalf. Let me concentrate on my job. When I get home, I am going to give you a piece of my mind.”
“I admire your guts! Post more of this often.”
“You mean you will dump him when you get bored of sleeping with him. Honestly, what do women want?”
Guess what I was doing….
Yes!! It is that hilarious to me.
Here I am, a matured grown arse woman in her late-thirties, a mother who is no stranger to sex been cautioned on how to approach sex matters differently by grown arse men who are not virgins themselves and probably cheating in their present relationships/marriages with a woman like me.
Ofcourse! Laughing is a befitting reply.
What would you have me do? Be nasty or insolent to them in my reply? Educate them that I am old enough to discuss sex matters on my Facebook timeline?
What are they? Twelve?😄
That would be a waste of my precious time.
It is the environment I live in that should take the blame. Not them in their infinite wisdom😄 and certainly Not me!
I blame the environment who created a garment of shame for grown-ups to talk about their emotions and sexual experiences to other grown-up adults.
This is a war we can’t win in what I call the Nigerian morality.
The Nigerian morality shames you for having sexual genitals, knowing what they are used for and condemn you for even thinking about using it or actually using it.
The Nigerian morality judges everything sexual as unholy even in the confines of marriage.
The Nigerian morality is too godly to think or talk about sexual tools or toys, genitals and sex education.
Oh the garment you are manipulated and blackmailed into wearing to cover your shame for thinking or talking about sex not to mention what your sentence will be if you actually do SEX😄.
You will be surprised that most grow-up adults actually censor the word SEX like this “s**” when they are trying to communicate in writing.
Oh yeah! It is that depressing!
Religion is another ideology I blame eventhough sensitive.
We grew up been told sex is a sin, thinking about sex is a sin, talking about sex is a sin and actually doing sex is a sin.
You will be damned if you think, talk, teach or practice sex. You will be damned if your don’t when at a certain age you neither have a spouse or a child.
The limitations are endless.
This is why alot of Nigerian women don’t even understand their sexuality.
This is why alot of Nigerian women see sex as an obligation in a relationship or marriage instead of an enjoyable experience.
This is why alot of Nigerian men don’t understand foreplay or romance but will rather go straight to intercourse.
This is why Nigerian grown-ups are still ashamed of their nakedness.
This is why alot of Nigerian adults are in lonely relationships/marriages with their spouses.
Communication about Sex is always replaced with shame, shyness, fear and pretense.
If a woman in a relationship openly and sincerely talks about sex, talks about her sexual desires or talks about something casual about sex education, her man will think she is a cheap slut and starts suspecting every man she talks to or smiled at.
She becomes a suspect for all shades of infidelity.
Voicing out your emotions as a woman regarding sex is a dangerous endeavour.
It is really pathetic and that is something I hope will change among women.
Contrary to popular belief, I really hope Nigerian women aren’t being monitored by sperm-possessors under the gender-conforming systematic apparatus that sexualises vaginas in Nigeria.
Women should just be left alone
To just BE
To just LIVE
To just BREATHE
To just Stay FREE!
Women are HUMANS not a specie to be monitored, silenced, shamed and disrespected because they engaged in a sexual discussion that a regular grown-up usually engage into.
P.S. I will appreciate it if you Kindly follow my blog, place your likes and comment your opinions as we motivate the Alpha Female in us.